Conversations with boys pt.II

I received the following text from a strange number at 4am on Friday night:

'Ellie appreciated the hug and followed up with a massive lick fest and uncontrollable desire to play rope.'

Duly ignored.

I got another text today asking if I'm out for a drink later so I reply and ask who it was, turns out it is a boy I know.

I sent him this:

"Did you send me an incomprehensible text about someone called Ellie and licking?

I get this:

"Hehe, Ellie is my dog. Remember you told me to hug the dog when I got home?'

Now I feel stupid.

Conversations with boys this week.

Boy: I judge people on first impressions. I see through them right away.
Me: Do I want to know what you thought about me?
Boy: No. (pause) You're alright now though.

Me: Well, how old do you think I am?

Boy: I figured about 29?

(Whilst on a date)
Boy: I'm just so happy and chilled right now. Everything's going great. Honestly, if you said to me right now that you wouldn't want to see me again, I would be fine with it.
Me: That makes me feel so special.
Boy: I knew you would take it that way.

Boy: You know you're hot right? Like, attractive? People think so. I just wanted to tell you that. Do you know? I don't think you know.
Me: Right.
Boy: So you know now?

(At work)
Boy: I made my baby son laugh for the first time yesterday!
Me: Oh, you tell him one of your dead baby jokes?
Boy: (confused) Oh no, I sang him a nursery rhyme.

(On the internet)
Me: I want a body like Fergie.
Boy 1: You're not fat.
Boy 2: You're not fat!
Boy 3: You look tick.

(At other work)
Me: Sorry I'm late!
Boy: You're fired, go home.
Me: But I don't want to.
Boy: Fine. Stay. (Sighs)

Me: A boy I know is moving to Swindon.
Boy: You're moving to Swindon?
Me: No, not me.
Boy: (shouts) Everyone, Anna is moving to Swindon!
Me: I don't even know where it is.
Boy: Well, then why are you moving there?

Edited to add:

(by text this evening, after planning to see a movie)
Boy: Not going to be able to make it, my front door is fucked.
Me: Lies make baby Jesus cry. Use the back door.
Boy: Fixed it. Be there in 5 mins.

This is only for when I have something to say

Good advice is given only when you really need it. When someone says something that cuts like a blade, and they know it will, but they say it because you really have to hear it, that earns my respect.

You're trying to keep your head together, you have been all day. You see your friends, you have a drink and your mind is completely, utterly elsewhere. All you can think about is a look, a touch, a murmur, the feeling of skin and being held, hard. All I wanted was to give in, think of nothing else, indulge in a memory. But your friends lift you out of that fog, ground you and remind you there is a real world, that you have to get out of bed, attempt to be charming, care about something else. For that I am grateful.

I have been self-indulgent today. I have no need to be. I spent an afternoon doing what can only be described as wallowing, and there is no need for it. I don't spend a day on my own seeking solace. No reason. I spent a very short amount of time with someone, and I questioned every minute of it. I don't want to question it any more. Grow up, get a grip, move on. I was distracted by the thought of him, when my mind should have been on the people I know. They are real.

I am grateful for a distraction, for people who will just let you be. No judgement, no fear. For stories that make you gasp, laugh, cry, shock you into reality. For people who will tell a story and peel themselves bare in front of a room full of others, only because it's something they have to say. For people who will listen. For people that surprise you. For people that just know. Tonight I was reminded of the people that care. That give and accept secret presents that no one else understands. That know all your secrets and stories but still laugh when you tell them again. That know you well enough to hide you from the violence on TV, to shield you from filth you don't need to know about. That let you be you.

And then a swift comment in the back of a cab on the journey home. 'Temperamental'. The use of a word that describes my experiences so far so distinctly I could only smile. Temperamental. Said at exactly the right time by a wise person that knew it was meant to be said. Thank you. For being honest and clearing my head, for seeing it and saying it. Even though it fucking hurt and you knew it would. It was with that comment that I knew I would be fine. Tomorrow I get up and I don't think about it again. I have been here before, I will not spend months contemplating the 'what ifs?', I will not doubt myself. Not again. Not ever. The memory shall be bittersweet and absolutely worth it. I don't think I will ever know why I get myself into these patterns. But I am learning, with a little help, how to get out of them again.

Happy Birthday x